She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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