So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
