When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize