Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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