Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
