If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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