She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
