I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
