Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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