You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
