Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
