so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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