I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I bet he comes in French.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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