Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
