shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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