i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
