you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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