Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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