so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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