Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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