My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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