Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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