after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
