if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
