She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
