We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
jump out the window naked night went bad
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
