I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
