So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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