yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
