he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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