I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
two words: eviction party
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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