do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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