3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
