I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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