I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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