I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
