so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
