**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
