weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
