Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
