Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize