you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
