whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
