the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
