Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
