just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
