he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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