how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
