I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
