Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
