I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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