We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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