i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
