"it" just moved
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
