I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
