I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
