there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
In America we eat man semen.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
