you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
