sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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