Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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