Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's get the cat blown out
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
