So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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