6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
