Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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