You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
