did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ketchup is God's man juice
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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