i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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