I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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