one might say we're banned from that church
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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