So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
