I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this boner is exhausting
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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