She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
