i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
